NO

....a friendship worth losing....


What is this that you have against me?

Why do you still want to hurt me even after you shut me out of your life?

Why do you throw away the friendship I'm still willing to have with you so easily?

Do you actually think you'd actually earn it by sugarcoating your neverending lies?

Where's your heart?

How could you?

Never again.

Never again.

BABY COME BACK

....hickory dickory dock....


"So, you're flying back this weekend?"

"Yup. Really looking forward to it."

(More like "Whoohoooo!!!!!")

I managed to put on the most silly smile on my face while the clock was having a mind of its own. Stopping time for fun.

"I hate you. But remember, you might not want to come back."

CRAP.

I know that already.

Mr. Smart Alec Clock, do you mind playing that trick of yours once I get there instead?

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HAND IN MY POCKET

....and the other is holding a ticket home....

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is givin' a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm workin', yeah

I care but I'm restless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everythin's gonna be quite alright

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other is flickin' a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

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And the other is givin' out a peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughin'

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit

I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other is playin' the piano

What it all comes down to, my friends

Is that everythin' is just fine, fine, fine

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

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And the other is hailin' a taxi cab

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STORM

....and it's just the beginning....


Naturally, we want to think that we are really taking care of ourselves; physically, mentally and spiritually.

But what if one day, by a cruel twist of fate, of all people, you get to know that you'll most probably would not live longer than your living Mom, or Dad, or Grandpa, or Sister or Best Friend?

Like suddenly being thrown into a big hole of unfairness, uncertainties, and unforgiveness, so dark you can't even see your hands reaching out for the wall to climb out. If it is even possible to see the light again.

*LINK*

Amazingly, many persevered. It only takes strength, positive thinking and a lot of love and support.

Stay safe.

CHANCE

...."everybody deserves a second chance"....


But where do you start?

How can you even be so sure that you want to head that way?

To give that second chance.

Will you be so cruel not to?

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL

....all in all, it's just another brick in the wall
....all in all, you're just another brick in the wall


Have you ever felt that the four walls that you're staring at will just gobble you up whole?

I'm staring at my walls.

Walls can be intimidating.

When you feel alone.
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HEAD OVER HEELS

....scribble #100....
....and allow me to have my very rare bimbo moment here alright?....


My heart skipped with joy when these finally arrived....

....the 'J-Lo's....



....remember when bright PVC dresses were in fashion?....



....a splash of bright pink....



....rock chick....



....tea time in the garden....


Of course, not forgetting, the one pair that cost me a fortune....

....

....ready?


....my Red Wings!....


I'm in need of serious help now, do I? ;P

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OK COMPUTER


That's it. I'm getting my own personal notebook next week.

It's so irritating to spend the whole weekend trying to figure out, configure, reconfigure and still end up with nothing. These "restrictions" just refuse to give me some slack.

Still can't access the internet from home.

Had to rush to pick up the new account activation sheet before the centre closes, buy a new adapter, borrow another notebook and spend hours and hours on end in setting up the line (of course, this is done by the claimed expert) and still no positive result. Connected but believe it or not....

"Cannot load page".

How about that for an anti-climax?

It's like owning a car but no keys.

Which reminds me, I need to get that insurance claim compiled and submitted asap.

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SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN

....no matter how tough you think you are....

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Waiting for the week to pass was short of waiting forever.

Meeting one of my best friends from uni was probably the only highlight for me this week. And it provides some comfort in knowing there is actually somebody here that I really know who understands how I feel and what I'm going through. Such an irony that we haven't seen each other for the past 6 years and finally we met here of all places. For me now, even a short coffee break with him once a week will do because as we were reminiscing the past, I laughed myself out for the first time since I came here. For the sake of my soul, I really needed that.

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I don't mind the work. But I mind that being here even bothers me.

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Did I say that was my only highlight? My mistake. Finding this was bliss....

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....Starbucks in a bottle. Big deal? Yes, it is....

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Alright, it may not be as good as the real thing; freshly brewed and blended beans, choco, milk, ice and whipped cream sans the preservatives. But I was too happy to see that familiar logo that I held on to it so tightly. And to think I was just looking for a carton of milk in that small mini mart, which went out of stock by the way. I'm not obsessed with Starbucks, if that's what you think. But I guess when you realized something as unimportant as Starbucks is missing, you will really feel it because together with it you miss the good thoughts it is attached to.

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Then came the day when my car finally arrived.

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I was still at the office when Mom called. First thing she said, "Your car just arrived."

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Relief. Almost four weeks of agony.

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"You better come home quick and look at it. The bumper's damaged."

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Uh-oh....

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And this was what I saw....

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Devastated.

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Fine, unexpected things happen. And it has to happen when there's no local dealer or service centre I can refer to (okay, I knew there isn't any beforehand). Repair will take a while as the spare part is not readily available. Claim from the insurance company I hope will proceed smoothly. I'm grateful that the shipping company is very much willing to help and take full responsibility of the damage.

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With my car finally here, I guess that means I am finally here to stay.

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How could I even put that feeling in words.

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RUN

....even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear....


I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up
Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear
My voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder
Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up
Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear
My voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder
Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower
Slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart
My dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up
Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear
My voice
I'll be right beside you dear


p.s. If any of you accidently stumbled upon SP's old album, please let me know....
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FEVER


I'm just staying in tonight.

I'm extremely exhausted, I'm feeling chilly, my nose is blocked.

A warm, cosy bed sure sounds good but right at this moment....

....this is where I actually want to be, this is what I really want to do, this is how I definitely want to feel....



....among friends, chilling out, happy.... :)

I'm tired and somehow a simple, seemingly insignificant photo just magically takes the blues away.

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MY PLACE

....and the soft, calming drizzle right outside....


Don't you wish you work here? ;D

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A THOUSAND MILES

....and worth it....


My trip back kampung.

It's located in Serian. The other end of Sarawak, so you can imagine the long trip we had to take all the way from Miri. It was a 12-hour drive and we started our journay at 4 a.m! Yawn!!!! My butt just fell asleep in the car.




....We made a few stops along the way to eat and refuel....
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....Are we there yet???!!!!....


We reached Kpg Paon Rimu (I think it means Sg Limau / Orange
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River?) in Serian at approximately 4.30 p.m. At last! It's a Bidayuh
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village, Dad's side.






....Relief. Little Mary on the left with Deb and I. This is also the only spot where we could get clear reception for our mobiles, underneath the guava tree, so we hung out there a lot. We even sat on the tar at night. The bright stars above us, and fireflies on the tree, just like Christmas! :) ....


Dad has 10 sibllings.



....Auntie Teresa collecting the dried pepper corns....




....Pepper corns....


It's really a big difference that almost all our meals come from our own backyard. Fresh and healthy. Even the glutinous rice for our lemang and 'pangkang' came from Auntie Elizabeth's paddy field at the back.



....This is where we lived for that few days (yes, we actually have Astro! Even I was surprised). 4 houses linked together, home for 3 uncles and an 2 aunts. Unfortunately not everybody made it back home this year....


My brother Clarence came over from Kuching after work that night. We had a nice BBQ. We ate, we drank, we sang and be merry! It has been so long since we last met so it was really good catching up and goofing around like old times.



....Clarence & I, it was also his birthday the next day, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!!!!....


The family also made several short trips to Kuching.



....Check out the size of the pau! I don't find this anywhere else so far. And trust me, it's really good....




....Conrad & I at the Kuching Waterfront. I miss my Starbucks! ;P They're opening one at the Kuching International Airport later on the 28th June. And my old classmate Ezam's going to manage it! He gets to come back at last ;) Which means no more discounts when I get my fix in KL....




....This really caught our eyes on the way back to Serian from Kuching. Sure enough, we bought 2! (Not the slices on the trees of course)....


Every year on Gawai Eve, everybody will gather at the common place at the main longhouse. There'll be dancing and more singing (there's even a full band!). Tuak and tidbits will also be served around by the kampung folks. At midnight, a short prayer will be said to thank for the year's blessing. Then, it's back to partying! I tell you, these people party hard, young AND old. I remember I used to stay way till morning myself. These days, I stick to only the visiting. My throat became sore from all the carbonated drinks, the tuak and the sweet food.



....This is the 'belanggi' (hope I got that correct). Traditional Bidayuh dance. I think it's supposed to resemble the movements of hornbills....


The final night there, we had another family gathering. A pot luck. Another catch up session with my brother and Andrew, my cousin. The little ones came thereafter to join us. It's as if they've just grown overnight. I remember they were just babies during my last stay. But it was really cute of them to invite me fishing the afternoon before, although I was way beyond their age group, but that too didn't happen after all those visiting. Everybody was just too tired. It would have been fun. I never went fishing.



....Mary, Amy & I....


The kampung hasn't changed much I guess. Only the gravel road now replaced by tar. We have electricity now compared to 15 years ago when we had to use generators.

But, people have changed. They grow up, get married, have children, go places far from home. We are no more the kids hanging around on the rambutan tree near the pond the whole afternoon.

Sometimes I yearn to be that kid again. But who doesn't? When our afternoons now are all about grabbing a quick lunch (sometimes no lunch) and getting back to work.

I was reluctant to make the trip initially. I haven't been back for way too long.

Luckily I did.

Next year, maybe I should make it a point to go back to my Mom's kampung. Now THAT is going to be an adventurous one. Boat ride and all.



p.s. I did my morning yoga, with a big, black (live) scorpion staring right back at me! Yikes! ;P

More photoes here.