START ALL OVER


Living life to the fullest, or so you thought, sometimes you lose track of what you're truly missing.

You supress it so deep you are so sure that it won't matter anymore because you're finally able to do whatever you wish, whenever you wish.

Until one day somebody gives you a hard slap across the face, acting all grown-up on you and you realise everything has just been an illusion to mask your deepest fears.

Ouch.

"It's time", he said.

No more dodging. No more hiding. No more running. No more denying.

"You give the world all the love you have. Let someone love you back."

Hmmm....I think I need a pet.

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YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME


I've been told that it's time for me to start dating again.

I mean, who can actually handle the ever enchanting moi? ;)

....Eff it, I'm actually scared shitless.

I've had enough of ending up in second place.

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GIVE ME ONE REASON

....pulled out an old Tracy Chapman CD for a little bit of blues....


Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want to leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you, I called too many times
You can call me baby, you can call me anytime
But you got to call me

Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want to leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life
I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
And rock me through the night

This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy

Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want to leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason, give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason, give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you

And there ain't no more to say....

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SIDE

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Class starts Wednesday :)

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DEJA VU

....cause it's you and me, and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose....


There’s a guy I saw at the café today.

Déjà vu.

Something about his presence stirred this strange emotion in me. For a second, I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I closed my eyes.

I know this guy from somewhere.

He had his back to me. We didn’t exchange words. Like we never met.

But I know that it must be something special.

Magic….

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AGAINST ALL ODDS


Dinner with Zahrin and HanWei.

"You know what I think? Guys should never have long hair."

"What?"

"Guys should keep their hair short. And they should not wear earrings. You know why? They look like girls if they do. It's not right!"

"Well, it doesn't mean they become girls if they do."

"Yeah, but it's just not suitable."

"You're talking about how a guy should look in a very conservative way. You're referring to those guys portrayed in romance novels."

"No. I'm not talking about guys in romance novels. They're rubbish. I think guys should be more like Leonidas."

........

"Hey, what song are they playing? Can't remember."

"Against All Odds. Phil Collins."

"Now, this is the type of song to listen to. In college I used to listen to this kind of songs and my friends think there's something wrong with me."

"Ummmm....I don't know this song."

"Oh, come on, man. It's Phil Collins!"

"Everybody else in college listens to Nirvana, Megadeath, Metallica. You know why I started playing the guitar? Because of Guns and Roses. Head-banging. Long hair."

"I thought you said guys should only have short hair and be rough?"

"Shoulder length would be okay."

"But you just said a minute ago that....oh, nevermind."

Yeah, so much for a guy's perspective of an ideal male image.

Uhuh. I was NOT the one who said guys should strictly have short hair.


How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now
Cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all I can do
And that's what I've got to face

Take a good look at me now
Cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now

........

Come on Phil. You know you can do much better than this. Snap out of it already.

Just move on.

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NIGHTSWIMMING

....the dream about....Valentine cards?....


I sat on the stairs feeling like a fool. I look back to the day that I actually sat exactly at the same spot contemplating whether or not I should give Mom the letter I wrote. It struck me that I felt exactly the same way back then as I did now. Burnt-out, giving up, weary, stupid.

Confused.

I sat there for another 5 minutes before dragging myself upstairs, almost like tracing back my steps from 12 years ago.

I waited in my room. Mom never showed up to talk about the letter.

This time, I picked up my phone.

And you were there, ever accepting, never judgmental.

Thank you, for always being there for me. Lending your ears, even at 2 in the morning.

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SALLY'S SONG


What the hell. There I go rambling nonsense about roads again. Blah-blah-blady-blah. Screw it, now is not the time to think too much.

Focus now is to go vegetarian, at least for the next 7 days. The last thing Mom was telling me before she left for Bintulu was detox. Figured maybe I should give it a try. Fruits and greens and a whole load of beans for one week. A pretty good start today with pancake Sunday at KC's.

Deb's left for KL as well, so I have the whole house for myself again. Eerily peaceful.

Blink. Blink.

So many songs are dedicated to a girl named Sally. Are there any for, say, Gretchen?

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HIGH SPEED


11 p.m.

I've spent the last 2 hours writing an e-mail. The February story that I owe.

It's not an easy task to put every little detail on paper, or so to speak. And every little detail counts.

I hope you can shed some light.

Maybe I'll have some sense of direction. Do I follow my heart, or do I just give up and wait here for the next ride? What if I miss the next ride altogether (again)?

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1000 OCEANS

....so much for offshore....


Yup, all geared up for the treacherous adventure on high sea; woke up at an ungodly hour to catch breakfast, change of plans at the last minute, endured the rain and got drenched from head to toe, slept most of the freaking cold roller-coaster boat ride. Ten minutes to destination, we had to turn back because of unfavourable weather condition to make the transfer to the platform.

What else to do?

Catch up on very much-needed sleep.

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....of boots and coveralls....
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BUBBLY

....for just letting me be me....
....with love, hugs & kisses....

...I tried putting things in proper words, but everytime I did, I only have this....


I've been awake for a while now
You got me feeling like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

It starts in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I going to say
When you make me feel this way
I just....Mmmm

And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go

Wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

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GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE TIME


I remember Monday because I went for a night cruise and watched the stars and the city while it sleeps.

I remember Tuesday because I had a craving for burger and ended up having a good conversation while having mayonnaise dripping from my mouth.

I remember Wednesday because I had a brush with luck and watched the sky lit up with fire.

I remember Thursday because I was caught in the rain while walking in the woods and was told that I'd remember that day for the rest of my life. I remember Thursday most because I laughed till my side hurts.

I remember Friday because....of double star, the little girl with the cheeky smile and another rainy evening on the couch and well....

Stephen Chow.

:)

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EDGE OF THE OCEAN


I stood at the edge of my bed for a few seconds before grabbing my keys and went out the door.

"I need to get some fresh air", I told my aunt.

Be right back.

My iPod playing my favourite playlist, wearing my pink Benettons (seriously, they are), I went for a drive down to the beach. There, I picked a spot and sat there watching the sun go down slowly and everything revolving around me. The man playing kite with his kid, the girls trying to catch the crabs, friends who are just there to hang out.

The ocean goes as far as the eyes can see, its gentle ripples caressing the beach, so calming yet so full of life.

I'm taking in as much as I can, as long as I can. I'm thinking of the person on the other side of the ocean who might be feeling the same. The emotion was just indescribable I am lost in words.

On the way back, I stopped by for a cone sundae.

It was perfect.

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WONDERFUL

....nothing less....


It's 1:19 a.m. in the morning. Here I am blogging on my bed when I'm supposed to be in slumber because tomorrow (or rather, today) I'm going for an early morning hike. My mind just keeps on churning thoughts.

Why is it that more often than not, we only meet the people who potentially will have an impact on our lives just a moment too late and under unfavourable circumstances?

....

I thought I'd be all alone this holiday; a long weekend without much to do, anticipating the most fun days to be filled with reruns of Will & Grace on DVD. That's far from the truth, as I have just got back from maybe one of the best evenings, ironically with someone whom is not from the usual circle of friends.

At 10:00 p.m. we were chilling out having a cuppa, listening to the iPod and yapping about TLC, how Left-Eye died, thongs, Christina and washboard abs (come to think of it, the topics seem a little....queer, in every sense of the word) ;P

(Un)fortunately, nature's call came at exactly 12:00 and we were forced to discontinue our chill out session to head for the loo.

And that's when the fireworks started.

.....

I concluded that Miri folks can be so filthy rich. Never have I seen on a Chinese New Year's eve anywhere a display of fireworks wherever I turned, I couldn't keep pace! And the best place to catch all that, oddly, was at the parking space in front of one of the hotels in town, only because we missed the turn to go up Canada Hill to watch from there. It didn't stop for another half-hour, my neck started to hurt by looking up that long but I was too mesmerized, and got caught in the moment.

Just the right time, the right company, the right place make a whole load of difference, especially when you least expect it. I miss those.

Andy, if you ever get to read this, here's one for you :)

(And you were right, nothing beats being with your best friends at times like these, but you made me forget that I miss their company. It's all I need. And it was possible because of you.)


If I were to die this mornin'
Would you tell me things that you wouldn't have?
Would you be my navigator?
Would you take me to a place we could hide?

As I'm fallin' out
I wonder what I lost
Must be movin' on
Know you'll be safe but not alone

I wanna ask you to forgive me
I haven't been the best with all that I had
Wish I'd only laid beside you
I think I spread myself a little too thin

As I'm fallin' out
I wonder what I lost
Must be movin' on
Know you'll be safe but not alone

You're the everything
That led me to believe
"Hold on, hold on"

You're the wonder in everything
That's wonderful

....

It doesn't look good for me now. I may have to leave Miri in May.

Just when I thought I'll be doing just fine.

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100 YEARS

....a quiet affair....


I am officially 'kaki'less for a whole week.

That means I don't have my usual

1. Lunch buddies
2. Dinner buddies
3. Muddy Canada Hill buddies
4. Coffee and chocolate chip muffin buddies
5. Clueless buddies
6. Movie buddies
7. Gym buddies

Nevertheless I went for another afternoon of paintball.




....I know, it's a bit gross....


If I ever lived a 100 years, I can look back and say "I turned 30 on a paintball field".

And I wrapped up my birthday evening with a family dinner and a small gathering with friends.

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