ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE

....my heart goes out to the families of all those who have lost their lives to the shocking ruthlessness of one man in the deadly shooting at Virginia Tech

I've been questioning a lot about life lately.

I wonder what difference have I made in the life of others especially the ones that I care the most. Did I even make a difference? Or have I unknowingly neglected things that matter more for trying too hard? It means a lot to me that I know I have done right in devoting my time, dedication, affection, especially my love.

I feel that a lot has been sacrificed to the expense of my own happiness. I don't regret the decisions I've made because I'm sure they're for the best. Then again, now I find myself in a conundrum once more. Am I about to enter that cycle again where I'll be forced to let go of the things that's been keeping me going, more than I want to?

So in the end, I wonder, what is true happiness for me? Would I know it when I find it, IF I find it? Will I let it slip away (again)? Not my time? When is my time?

Is my quest for a promising career path's taking its toll?

There's so much else I'd rather do at this moment than having to be in the position where I currently am. But somehow there is always a reason or a restriction not to take that one step forward. Or maybe I'm holding back because I'm afraid that things won't turn out as I wished. And it'll be another big blow that I won't be able to take.

I always believe that we should always hope for the best and prepare for the worse. But hope has a funny way to drain you, especially when hope is all you've got.

Tell me, have I been good to you?

Or have I let you down?

Or am I just going to be another passing stranger leaving footprints in your courtyard of sand? Footprints that will eventually be washed away by time and tide?

Will you allow me to be melodramatic but still hold my hand?