I LEARNED FROM THE BEST


Since I was a kid, I've always looked forward to visits to the clinic/hospital. This morning was no exception.

I get enticed by the smell, the environment, the people. As I walked through the clinic's door, it was as if I was in a time warp. The interior was exactly how I remember it would be for a majority of clinics I've been to way, way back. The counter, the walls, the finishing, the steel filing cabinets, the door grill!

I got myself registered and soon after, I was told to go to the first room to get my blood and urine sample. The first question the nurse asked, "Did you have breakfast today?"

It hit me! I was supposed to fast! S%*t! How can I forget the number one rule of thumb for a blood sample to be taken! All I know was I arrived 15 minutes early this morning and seeing that mamak just next door, I didn't realize I was about to commit a big boo-boo by anyone clever enough to know better. Duh! Me and my tummy.

"Well, y..e.......ssss.....s....I kinda did have breakfast."

Oh, the horror on her face!

"Ok, let's see what the doctor has to say. She'll decide if whe still wants to take your blood sample. Most probably you'll have to come back. Next week."

Short of saying that I screwed up over half a roti canai and tea.

I mean, it obviously was my fault but I still want to partially blame the HR I called yesterday and the nurse I asked for directions from for not reminding me that I'm not allowed to consume anything 12 hours before the test. Darn!

Next up: Urine sample.

Man, it was much harder than I thought! Off all times, it had to be today that I didn't have the urge to pass. I mean I have done this before but it was all over the place! With that quantity, I have to carefully aim; but I just don't have enough ammo, needless to say I don't even have the gun! I managed to collect a pathetic quarter of the sample cup. I passed the mini cup through the window and crossed my fingers.

The nurse was mumbling something I didn't quite understand at first. Then she asked me to proceed to the next floor for an eye check, weight and height measurement and to see the doctor for further examination. (Nurse put me as a rough 155 cm "now you'll at least be taller in the charts" while giving me a cheeky grin. Yeah? Like that's going to help. Why can't I be 165 cm then?)

The doctor was nice. But the dreaded question surfaced nonetheless.

"You fasted this morning right?"

"Mmmm, actually I ate." (sheepish smile)

"But I had very little...."

Yeah, like a loadful of carb and fat.

I was bombarded with "What exactly did you have? What time was it?" and a few other questions I had to obligely answer.

She later explained that she will proceed getting my blood sample anyway, if there was any abnormality or ambiguity, then they'll call me back. But the sugar level should be down by now. Thank goodness!!!

X-ray came next. After changing into the white robe, the nice old man asked me to stand against the plate and spread my hands to the side. He was adjusting the height of the plate, then looked at me. "I think you'll have to use the stool, dear. Sorry".

"It's okay. I know I'm short". There goes my 165 cm.

And lo and behold, in between that, nature calls. I rushed to the washroom. Then rushed down to top up for my parking spot. Came back to do the lung test.

The nurse explained how I was supposed to do it. Take a deeeeeeeppppp breath and blow as hard as you can for as long as you can through the tube. Okay, can I have a demo?

And demo she did. I was impressed! Whoooaaaa! Lady can really blow! Now I got it, after 6 attempts. The nurse gave up on 78. She was coaching me starting from a 75. "Come on, you can do it!" Same feeling as being with a personal trainer. And this was just to test my lung capacity!

"I guess we'll just use this result then", she said at last. Pheewww!

She then told me I had to go back down to the first nurse to get more urine sample. What???!!!! Not enough? But I just went!

All in all, I did have fun. I laughed a lot when I was with the nurses; of my foolishness for the most part. All the other patients seemed so tensed and serious. People say nurses are a pain, for me, if you want them to be nice to you, you have to show some compassion too. After all, they are still human. Just smile. Don't matter if they don't smile back.

After saying my thank-you's and goodbye's, I left.