I DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCING

….being in denial, and finally letting it out….


“You’re such a wonderful person. There’s this warmth about you whenever you are around. You give your fullest attention when you’re engaged in a conversation. You’re sincere. I don’t know why you’re not seeing anybody, because you’re special. You have a good heart.”

This coming from a person I barely knew except for the incidental hellos when we're in the same elevator or the quick goodbyes after bumping into each other at the convenient store for ice-cream downstairs.

So what if I AM destined to be alone?

To me, it seems to be much simpler this way. I take charge of everything I do. I choose to feel and see joy, even if I make mistakes, they're all mine. It’s easier to hurt myself than hurting someone else.

But let me tell you a known secret.

….truth is, my friends, I don’t want to end up being on my own.

After attempting to convince you that I’ll be perfectly fine without having another person to share the rest of my life with, well, all those times I’ve actually been trying to convince myself instead.

I want somebody to remind me not to spend a fortune on that dress I thought was too nice to stay on the rack but eventually will end up in the wardrobe for eons to come, to force me to stay in bed even when I’m really not that sick, to let me know that eating ten chicken wings in one evening is not the end of the world.

I want somebody to tell me that I’m more than special.

That I am loved.

People say, if you want to achieve something, you have to at least put some effort into it and not let fate take full course of your life.

I guess, it now just comes to a point when it starts to wear me a bit. It just feels shitty when you have to dance alone to the music everytime, don’t you think?

It takes two to tango.

break