DO YOU SLEEP

....let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight....




Twas another wet start to a new week. As if the clouds has been holding back too long for this one particular day.

I looked down at my soaking denim pumps. I haven't been shoe shopping forever. All my heels need a lil bit of TLC from the local cobbler.

0700 hrs. I'm early.

But insomnia had hit me again.

Yup, a long week this is turning out to be.

break

WADE IN THE WATER


I just watched as it inches its way.

It's a slow-paced weekend. Sometimes, it's good to lay back and see the world in full action, without playing too much part in it.

It's been almost six months since I came to Miri.

When you start to notice that more than once the same thing is said about you, coming from people who you don't really know, it's time for you to think that maybe they are right. And take a second to think about it; when you know that it is not who you really are, when you are certain that people who know you better would never agree with it.

At this point of time, I've decided I may not be staying longer than I originally should. Hearing what they say is one thing, but how it actually feels inside is something else. But that's how it is, people just judge you, they don't even have the guts to tell you in the face, and why is it so hard to ask?

"How's your day? Is everything alright?"

You should be offering your precious take on what you perceive of me TO ME. Don't be smug and tell the rest of the world what you think about me when you don't know shit. Since you don't ask, I'll just tell you this, I don't have to fake my smile for you.

Then again why bother. I know there's nothing much for me here anyway.

Another six months to go.

Each day a day goes by.

Time is a bitch.

Time.

break

THE FINISH LINE


The earth is warm next to my ear
Insect noise is all that I hear
A magic trick makes the world disappear
The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear

A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy
The snow and ticker tape blurs all my senses numb
It's like the finish line where everything just ends
The crack of radios seems close enough to touch

Cold water, cleaning my wounds
A sad parade, with a single balloon
I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten
Bluest seas, running to them

I feel like I am watching everything from space
And in a minute I'll hear my name and I'll wake
I think the finish line's a good place we could start
Take a deep breath, take in all that you could want

HOME


Today was the day for: -

1. Non-stop uncontrollable twitching of the face (medical explanation welcome)
2. Japanese soba
3. Latte
4. Sneaking in and drama in the gym
5. Hugs (loads of 'em)
6. Vanilla and strawberry milkshakes
7. Goodnight sleep

Goodnight!

DUST IN THE WIND


Dust off my shoulders
That has settled
As I blink and a whole new day
Greets me
I do not wish to carry this weight
So unnecessary

I want to keep on walking
You say it's not the destination, but the journey
But I need to be at the gate soon
In case somebody's waiting for me

break

SO NICE (SUMMER SAMBA)

....a little bit of soul therapy, and some....


Fine, there's no such thing as defined summer in Malaysia. Everyday is just sunny, or hot and humid (high in the list as the most common ice-breaking topic, "Can you believe how hot it is?") , and the occasional much welcomed soothing breeze. I don't know how real summer feels like, how it's supposed to look like.

But this is how I want it to be.

Everything just passes by slowly and not even a hint of worry on our faces. Even if tomorrow's Monday.

Following a short hiatus, I returned to familiar ground. My comfort zone that readily awaits me everytime I thought of making a U-turn after a long and weary journey. Once in while, the need arises for me to sink into the warmth of things that make me appreciate and realize that there's more out there for me to keep me smiling. And I'm grateful. Especially when a friend named bliss decides to abandon you for awhile.

My brother, the one I talk to only when we're in need of asking for favours (we both admitted to that), was thrilled to meet me again. Telling him how desperate this sister of his could be at this point of time sent him laughing to bits (I was just joking, of course....Seriously). And I got to know what's been happening in his life as well, bound for surprises, and more silly tales. We missed all the goofing around.

We parted ways again this morning.

In no time, that painful sense of longing for better things overcame me.

Then, a boy sat me down and said this, "If it's yours, it's yours. What is not, is not."

I didn't finish my sandwich that breakfast.

The rest of the day was about having long strolls (inside a new ridiculously huge shopping haven, if you have gazillions to spare that is), walking in the rain, Haagen Dazs and suitcases, coffee and chilling out with two very lovely people. My latest possession; more CDs and more books (materialistically, I'm very easy to please) .

This is how it should be. My summer.

....

I'm here now, ready to go to bed soon. Bebel on the player.

I won't deny that I'm still indecisive about a few areas in life. I don't see white, nor black, just plain grey. But it has been the day that I'm pulled back to solid ground, well, almost.

Deep down, I will still wish for life to be better.

I doubt that it's within my grasp right now, but I might prove myself wrong.

break

CHEER UP BOYS (YOUR MAKE UP IS RUNNING)

....an afternoon out with the guys....



break

BRACE YOURSELF


Reality bites.

break

OCTOBER SKY

....sneaky peeky....


KK Part One

Having some complication uploading the images. I'll just leave it this way for a while until I find the time to sit down and figure it out.


....travel buddy, no prizes for guessing right....



....view of KK from Signal Hill, Pulau Gaya in the background (Day 1)....



....the happening strip (at least at night)....



....the boats to Manukan and Sapi (Day 2)....



....Kinabalu Park (Day 3)....

break

LIKE THIS


"So, where are we having lunch today?"

"I feel like having rice. Fried rice would be nice."

"So, where are we having fried rice?"

"But now I just remembered I had rice last night. Should we? It just felt that I haven't had rice for so long."

"Why not? Fried rice it is."

............

While having fried ice with fried egg, shared by two....

"Would you feel weird without eating rice for a few days?"

"Not really. Don't even remember I had some last night. I think we had noodles before that."

"No. We went to McDonald's. Noodles was the day before. Together with chakueh. Evening was dinner at the club."

"Really? Then what was before that? On Friday? Drinks at San Fran, right?"

"I guess. How about bak kut teh? When was that? Let's call your brother and ask him when we all went out for bak kut teh. I think after San Fran we didn't go out for dinner. Drove back and went to bed."

"Maybe."

"Better blog. Then you'd not forget."


Or something like that.

....meaningless little conversations....

break

CABLE CAR

….ode to Dad….happy birthday….
….enjoy your retirement!!!!….


Truth is, I didn’t get to spend that much time with the man. I still don’t.

A relentless workaholic, as far as I can remember.

Life it seems, has also gotten more complicated as I grew up.

But I do recall: -

1. Midnight snacks

Awaken in the middle of the night just to sit at the dinner table and enjoy the smell of melted butter on toast. I was no more than 12 years old and having no recollection of what Dad’s chat topic would have been with a very sleepy girl in her blue pajamas and her head on the table, I can only guess. World politics and global warming perhaps.

2. Full moon

Again, awaken from my slumber and ushered out the house. Dad would point to the sky and I’d be awestruck with the sight of the full moon slowly creeping out from the clouds. As if somebody turned on a soft giant lightbulb to illuminate the whole neighbourhood. An odd bunch of crickets and toads sang a capella for our background music.

3. The birthday gift

Mom spoiled the surprise part. I got the hint days before. But looking back I know it must have cost him a big chunk of what he was earning as an ordinary government servant back then. My keyboard was so technically inferior compared to what friends had (state of the art electronic organs) but to me it was the best birthday present I could ever wish for.


All in the past now.

Sometimes I do miss the simple times.

“So what will you talk about if one day he wakes you up for toast again?”

That I miss the simple times.
break

LITTLE OF YOUR TIME


White cranes.

The immediate flashback I have while logging in.

I feel that....well, I KNOW that I have so much to tell about the past couple of weeks. It has been so crazy at work. Lame, sure. Yup, you and I both then. With that, I also realize that there are things left neglected, this little space of mine, for instance. Friends, especially one person that I shouldn't, my books, life, in general. I was taken aback earlier today when I was told that what if one day we find ourselves not having anything to talk at all, that awkward silence. Something must be done. Action has to be taken, and fast.

On the other hand, I thought to myself, being so far from the things I've been accustomed to, how amazing it is that I didn't even feel the time.

Actually, there's a reason for that. For now. Sigh....Oh well....

So, it's the fasting month. In fact there's about another ten days or so to go before Hari Raya Aidilfitri is celebrated. As for me, lately I feel that I have developed the inability to walk without dragging my poor giant ass on the floor. I'm getting a bit fat, you see. I don't care if you're going to tell me on how ridiculous I sound and what nonsense I'm making but seriously, it's just bad. A big gooey slush in immediate need of TLC.

But it's worth mentioning that hiking was the activity of the week nevertheless. A Sunday afternoon, two guys, a girl and the hills. Two hours of happily dirtying the (new) shoes (served their purpose, thank you very much) and sweat.

Not forgetting, the skirt's out of the closet (at last!) Yes sirree, the pink Phuket skirt was worn for the first time - get this, TO WORK. To those who haven't noticed by now, I don't (never) wear skirts or dresses to work prior to that one fateful day, even if you catch me buying one after another. That's just me trying to fool myself into thinking that one day I will wear them, which never happened. I'm just a pants person until I finally gathered enough courage to possibly embarass myself.

Then again, it wasn't that bad after all. Except for the times I had to be a bit conscious, constantly reminding myself that doing unfeminine squats or any other form of reckless act is a definite no-no or risk the lifetime red face.

Gosh, I miss KL so much.

Alright, I'm all over the place. I should get myself used to all this once again.