ROOTS

....Happy Gawai....


It's the time of the year again.

Gawai Festival.

For the last 4 years or so, I have not made the journey back. Now that I'm here in Miri, there's no more excuse.

This year, the 10-hour drive back kampung shall begin tonight.

Long and tiring.

Not that I'm complaining. But the only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing my dear Tayung (Grandma) again. There's nothing else for me.

THAT'S ALL

....packing again. I hate packing....


I feel so HOMESICK.

But where is home?

THESE FOOLISH THINGS

....remind me of you....


Nat complains she doesn't get updated. Nat, you have your CNN channels. You can set one up too ;) Can't afford to broadcast everything to everybody, although I try.

Lyn has a whole load of gossip to tell. I asked her to make a list so she doesn't forget.

Syima is missing. So is Teoh. No blog updates.

Kak Azah and Reha have got their own secret mission. Good luck girls.

Wawa just gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Really proud of her.

Zaini I'm guessing is busy tending to Diego that she forgets about me.

Raz is in KK. Diving. Last time she was on a cruise. Going nowhere in particular.

Asly was upset I didn't get to see her before I left.

Cyique is back in Ipoh. No Dubai heat for a while. But she insists Ipoh is no different that her daughter is no more chubby from all the sweating.

Yas is busy club hopping as usual.

Klev deserves the high grades he got in his studies. Starbucks in his hand as a treat.


I'm sitting here just happy hearing what everybody's been up to.

....Absence makes the heart grow fonder....

GRAZED KNEES


There is a thing they call fate.

Fate brought me here. Where I'm still intimidated by the people around me who seem to know everything. Where I'm so far away from all things familiar and routine. Logically I should feel at home, because this is where I'm essentially from. Where I grew up. Nevertheless I still find myself trying to figure out the roads I take every morning to work. I don't know the best places to grab a bite if I'm alone. I don't know the nearest ATMs from home.

Fate tells me that I'm to go back and rediscover myself and my hometown I've left too long. I've been ignorant and I've forgotten.

I just don't know things anymore.

So much has changed.

I have to do this. A reflection of my past. Maybe I'll learn something.

So that I know how far I've become.

Fate made me leave everything and everyone I love behind, but it also gave me the chance to start fresh, away from the hurt and bruises.

SIGNAL FIRE


The perfect words never crossed my mind
Cuz there was nothin' in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted just sped right past me
While I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close, cuz I need you to guide me to safety

No, I don't want to wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

No, I don't want to wait forever

SILENT SEA


Thursday, 17th May 2007


Morning. I was in the office. Suddenly I had so much to do for my move to Miri this coming weekend. I shuffled. Made my way to several places in one morning. A PA would definitely help at these times.

Noon. Girl time with Nat. It rained again. Had my PDA fixed and upgraded.

Evening. Last tea chat at Dome. My last Balance class. Dinner thereafter with the whole gang. Nasi kandar and a pinch of drama.


Friday, 18th May 2007

Morning. Mover came over to pack my remaining stuff to be shipped to Miri. Also a bit of running around involved. Minor confusion. The boys only started packing at 11:00 a.m.

Noon. Kak Azah, Zaini, Shook and Fifi dropped by. Sent the car to the mover's warehouse in Shah Alam. Had a nice late lunch with them. Was dropped off at the LRT station near A&W in PJ. Said our goodbyes. I walked to A&W and ordered a float. And sat there quietly.

Evening. Surprise dinner with Nat, Lyn, Syima, Klev and Teoh at The Curve. Note: always remember to inform those you want involved in giving the surprise beforehand to avoid any misunderstanding. :)

Girls, thank you so much for the gifts. I love each and every one of them.

Reached home. Empty. I could hear my own echo.

My back hurts.


Saturday, 19th May 2007

Morning.

4.30 a.m. Suddenly I just woke up with a jolt. Couldn't close my eyes after. I went from room to room looking for the charger for my iPod.

7.00 a.m. Had to get out of the house. No car, so had to catch a cab. Had breakfast with Cyique and Dash. It's great having to rekindle old friendship. Spent time with Dash after that.

Afternoon. Starbucks. My last.

Evening. Dinner with Yas.


Sunday, 20th May 2007, 3.30 p.m.

Touchdown in Miri.

For the next couple of weeks, this is the place I shall call home.

....my room....

....my balcony....

....my bath....


My 'home' is facing the beach. I can smell the sea. I can feel the

break

breeze in my face. The sun was setting.
break
But I'm thinking of another place I'd rather be.

THE HARDEST THING


Gently, I closed the door to the pantry. I've never done it before, not in so many years.

Up until tonight, I've been leaving the door open for Pablo, Aimar and Diego to do their business in their litter box.

From now on, the door shall remain closed....

PIECES

....the story of 5....
....Happy Mother's Day, Ma....


We had a most wonderful dinner last night. A whole load of home-cooked dishes over red wine and slow music. Strangely enough, it all concluded with Stepford Housewives. I must thank the guests for their graciousness and their company. Here's a gift that I'll always treasure. I can say it is by far, the best original gift I've ever received. And I know they've put their hearts into making it.

....the thought that counts....



....the friendship that matters....



....the people worth sharing it with....


From the bottom of my heart, thank you Klev, Nat, Teoh and Yas. I know there's a lot of painstaking effort and time involved. (I can imagine a little bit of brain-cracking too). Picking and arranging (also re-arranging) the photoes, writing the captions, wrapping the gift and hunting for the CDs.

Thank you for the most memorable 2 months of my life. For reminding me to keep my head up high when things are not so peachy and that it's okay to be sad but always remember to carry myself with a smile. And smile we all did....

I'll be missing you more.

Hopefully, we'll continue filling up the pages of our little book of memories together (read: adventurous; (I know, roll eyes))....

With love, hugs and kisses.

XOXO

p.s.': -

Klev - Thanks for always being there

Nat - Thanks for keeping me up and running

Teoh - Thanks for the moments of laughter

Yas - Thanks for opening me up to a new world of life & culture

TIME TO GROW

....this was forwarded to a friend's blog....


On Pain
Kahlil Gibran

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician,
and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard,
is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings,
though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

A CHANGE WOULD DO YOU GOOD

....Weekly Roundup....


I know, things have been slow in this space, I've been so tied up

1. Saturday - What The Hell?

Cut story short - received peculiar text message. Got really pissed. Felt that my trust was betrayed. Big time. Text message itself was really an unnecessary one, to say the least. Can't figure out till now why would someone even bothered to do it. Got a call to calm me down. Felt a lot calmer but still pissed. Met up with an old friend over drinks whom was more than willing to trash whomever was involved in the story, lucky didn't meet him 3 weeks back. If not, he would really have done it.

2. Sunday - The Angel, The Zen Tea and The Sunday Morning Sun

Woke up early for a promised breakfast / photo selecting / quick shopping session. Breakfast was abruptly cut to 45 minutes - no photo selection or shopping involved. Got back home. Brought sis out for lunch. Started getting more weird messages. Eventually got really fed up and decided to end this meaningless bickering and started to retaliate by being nice to the enemy. And it actually worked. I felt so peaceful. Sent sis who's flying back to Miri for a 4-month holiday. Got prepared for dinner with the gang. Short stop to shop that left me confused. God help me if I ever get lost in this area where they were taking me. Had seafood. Big restaurant. Still like simple Imbi. No need to worry about chopsticks, fork and spoon. Got rude stare for taking photographs. Drove the girls home. Had a nice chat before the last drop and a sleeping baby at the back. Home. Dead.

3. Monday - Work. Gym. Home. Pack. Dead.

4. Tuesday - Work. Gym. Dead. Dinner. Home. Dead. Didn't pack because was already dead. Got emergency call. Made an emergency call. Fell asleep with laptop still running.

5. Wednesday - Work. Called DVS. Couldn't see how it'd make any sense to bring the cats over when I might just be back in KL and they're still in quarantine so going to find a good home for them soon. Updated mailing addresses for banks. Went out to renew car insurance and road tax. No time for lunch. Work. Drove back home for short rest. Showered. Passed a dead body on the road. Had nice dinner. Had fun. Home. Not dead but almost. Left arm hurt badly. Still left hanging on whether or not will fly to Miri this weekend or next.

Bottom line:

1. So strange to step into a house with stuff from the past getting less and less. Had to be thrown away to make room for a fresh start. Some memories are to be erased, some are to keep.

2. Felt like the end is so near. Couldn't see myself being around after Sunday although I have a good shot to stay another week, at least to facilitate in my packing. The nearer it is, the more close you feel with the ones so dear to you and it makes it harder.

3. What working in one of the tallest buildings in the world is like. Everytime you go to the toilet, look down into the toilet bowl; You can actually see the water moving from side to side because the building is swaying.

CREEP


I am BLOODY EFFING PISSED.

Why? Because in this world, there exist people so immature, insecure and so stupid they are damn proud of it. They think they are smart. Such a disgrace to the female population.

Even worse, there are also those who actually fall for them.

Haven't I had enough of this shit?

Thing is, I'm not crying. I'm actually laughing to this amusing circus act of yours.

EVERYBODY HURTS

....choice song for recovery....


I tell you, this actually works, surprisingly!

Bear with me, this is song week. And no darling, I think I still prefer this to Christina's 'Fighter', thank you very much ;)


When the day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends

Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
Oh, no, don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts
You are not alone

ILLEGAL

....wake up call....


I see it clearly now.

He's got everything he had wished for. Everything that I couldn't give, at least at this very moment.

A replacement PACKAGE.

How inadequate can I be?


Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

GET FREE


May 1st. Labour Day.

This is me at 9.30 a.m. today....



Did laundry, cleaned the house, went out for lunch (how I wish it would just be delivered to my doorstep), skipped gym, surfed the net, wanted to start thinking about packing but didn't; so much for Labour Day.

Sunday was a success. Everybody had a blast caving and white water rafting. I don't have the energy to put it in detail so let the photoe(s) speak for itself. Coming soon (I hope).

But the most probable reason of my tiredness now is work. I'm bushed.

Now, I'm watching a documentary on iguanas on National Geographic ;P And monster crocodiles.